Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
