meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
