You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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