You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
