How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
