last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
