He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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