Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
