you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
