I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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