This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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