Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
