in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
