i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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