people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
