I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
