haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
