i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
and you fell through a lawn chair
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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