im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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