I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
