i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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