alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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