You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
