K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
