If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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