It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
