I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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