he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
