I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
