Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize