I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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