I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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