My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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