I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just pee around me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
