Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
