she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
