Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I could make wine with my vomit
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
