he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
