Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
