She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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