R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
