She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
