i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
