I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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