she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
