I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
