O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
