Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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