pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
