She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
