If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
