took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
