see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
