My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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